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Happy New Year everyone and welcome to 2015!!!
I’m not really one for New Year’s Resolutions, ie. lose weight, work out more, eat healthier, do this and that differently. In recent years I’ve grown very proud of the person that I am and how I live my life. I make goals for myself all year around, most of which I meet. It’s doesn’t take a specially marked day on the calendar to try to be a better person. You can start a new slate any day.
Although I’m not making a list of resolutions, 2015 is very significant for me. Later this year, in October
2015, I will turn the big 3-0!!!! I always get a little (or a lot) of anxiety when my birthday approaches, but the thought of turning 30 in 10 months, has already given me sleepless nights, sweaty palms and a racing heart. I guess because I’ve always felt that at 30, you’re supposed to have it all together and I don’t. So instead of New Years resolutions, I’ll work on my “Before 30″ plan.
I’m welcoming 2015 with open arms, I’m glad to see 2014 go. Over the past week, I’ve jotted down notes for this post and what I wrote was so vulnerable. I’m always open with you guys, but sometimes it is scary to put it all out there for everyone. So everything I wrote in my notes may or may not make this post, I guess you’ll have to keep reading and I’ll have to keep writing.
Over the past year I’m sure many of you could sense sadness throughout some of my posts for Married With Children (Mommy Mondays/Marriage Mondays) and I’ve even had a few of you send me personal messages asking if I was OK. The truth is no, I haven’t been OK. October 2013 through now has been the toughest year and a half of my life. There was no major moment or event that caused it, more of everything trickling in at once. This year I’ve felt more sadness, betrayal and disappointment than I have ever before.
I was a woman who desperately wanted to believe that you can have it all and by all I mean, a great marriage, great kids, strong friendships/support systems, a successful career and self-love. That has been my constant inner battle over the past year. But now I am not so sure that you can have them all, especially all at the same time. My prayer is that you can, but in my personal experience, when other aspects in your life are doing well, some of the other components are in jeopardy.
This past year has been great for my marriage, my husband and I grow closer everyday. I look forward to us growing even more in the next year. Motherhood this year has been a challenging, juggling 2 children, although I knew it would be hard, it has been more than I imagined. I know many think I make it look easy, but it’s not. For months I lost myself, I grew exhausted and wasn’t able to concentrate on other aspects of my life. I’ve lost friendships in the past year and felt a huge strain on others that are important to me, but I’ve also built new good ones. My career has slowed down and is nowhere near what I expected it to be at this point in my life. With all of this happening, my self-love has taken a back seat.
So if I had to make a New Years Resolution, I guess it would be, to be OK. No not just OK, but to really be happy and stop being so overly critical of myself. I have to show myself the same love and support that I give to others.
As for IAMSUPERGORGE.com, 2015 maybe it’s final year. A huge part of me feels like the time is drawing near to end this chapter of my life, as I haven’t been fulfilled by the site and my efforts greatly outweigh the rewards, but another part of me isn’t ready to let it go. January of 2016, IAMSUPERGORGE.com will turn 5. I guess I will tackle that road once it approaches. Maybe 2015 will be a turn around year and something major will happen for myself and IAMSUPERGORGE wil flourish into what I’ve worked so hard for it to be, if not I will take it as a sign. Everything isn’t meant to last forever.
Here’s to 2015. My prayer for you all is to be HAPPY!!!