A few posts ago, I told you all how my mom would often tell me that I was grown at 16. Hearing that I was mature/grown most of my childhood was the norm. I wasn’t whiny and I didn’t cry a lot. I was very independent, very vocal and developed really tough skin fairly young. But, way under that tough skin was a girl who resented always having to be the brave/mature and tough one. Reality is,for a longtime I was an angry, immature child masking as a mature teenager and then adult.
I look at my life now and while it is not perfect, it’s pretty good. But I don’t think it is this way by luck or chance. It’s by blessings and by something I strongly believe in, Karma. When I was in my teen years and very early 20′s, I came off very bitchy. I was short with people, very one-sided, argumentative. At times just plain mean and a fighter. At 21 years old I found out I was pregnant with Smoo and my life and attitude was changed forever. I didn’t want to be the person I was before anymore. Over the next few years, I started noticing a change within myself, a change that I am very proud of. I started seeing my own maturity, which had nothing to do with my age, but my willingness to progress as a woman.
In life, I think many of us find it fairly easy to see and point out the flaws in others, but are we honest and realistic with ourselves? Really think about. Think about the person that you really are. Not what you mean to do or say, but what you actually do, what you actually say, how you actually make other people feel. This is something that I’ve done with myself a numerous amount of times. It takes extreme vulnerability and honesty to be truthful about our own flaws. I’ve had moments where I’ve broken down over the flaws I’ve discovered within myself.
After becoming a mom and wife, I slowly began to let my guard down and realized that I didn’t have to be so angry at the world. The things in my past that had hurt me are just that, the past and it’s my choice to either let them go, work through them or address them to the people who have hurt me, but what I could no longer do was take it out on any and everyone else that had nothing to with it. We all have things in our past and present that have made us the way that we are, but as an adult we can not continue to use that as an excuse for treating others terribly.
I changed slowly. It took me years to get to where I am now and I still have a mile or 2 left on my journey. I started my change with the little things, things we are taught as children. Does this really need to be said or done? How would me talking negatively towards someone else or being rude to them help me to proceed in life? It wouldn’t. It would only hold me back and keep me in a negative space. I began giving more compliments, became more charitable, started seeing things from the other person’s perspective and even when I didn’t agree, I’d offer my opinion and/or advice, when asked for it.
Today it seems like people are vieing to see who can throw the most shade or be the messiest, instead, try being the person that offers someone who can do nothing for you, a helping hand.
Now don’t get me wrong, I am in no way perfect and will never be. I enjoy a good tee-hee session with my friends just like the next person, but trust me it’s all in fun, no malicious intent and it stays between us.
About a year ago I decided to see a therapist. I wanted an unbiased opinion on things that I was dealing with in my life and why I handled and reacted to certain situations the way that I did. My sessions with the therapist didn’t last long. Besides me constantly noticing her watching her clock, I had already self diagnosed myself and knew my issues way before I sat in her chair. She wasn’t much help,but it did help me to get into my own brain again, to refocus on myself and the people who I allowed in my space.
I’ve learned that people will hurt you, misuse you and slander your character . Like you, they aren’t perfect. While it maybe hard, forgive them anyway. Everyone matures at their own pace and just because you have, doesn’t mean that others have too. I’m learning to forgive and let go. Learning to let go of the hurt that’s been caused and letting go of the source of the hurt as well. While getting even may seem like the thing to do at the moment, don’t.
Ultimately we are all still a work in progress, continue (or start) to self evaluate and push yourself to be a better person daily. I strongly believe in treating people the way you want to be treated. Your karma belongs to you, theirs belongs to them.
Have A SuperGorge Day!!