There comes a point when you really have to remove certain people from your life. Due to mutual relationships, friendships…. work situations, heck even blood, you may not be able to remove them physically. You may always be forced to be around this person but removing them emotionally and mentally from your space can bring you peace of mind.
The problem isn’t figuring out when you’re at that point…. that’s the easy part. You know! You set your limits of what you are willing to take emotionally from a person, regardless of the relationship. You may be less willing to put up with crap from someone who you don’t have the best relationship with…or maybe you have tried so hard to make the friendship, romance, “family” situation work that you decide it’s no longer worth it to you. Whatever it is…. how you choose to handle or not handle rather, that person that has you fed up is up to you. The hard part is how the mutual people between you will react.
I always say in situations I act accordingly…. always polite, always smiling, but my response is based on you. I am passive aggressive by nature but not phony in the least. The combination can be a struggle of avoidance and a battle with myself to keep my face in order. I am working on mastering the polite smile. At all times, I have to remind myself to remain a lady… being polite is NOT being phony, it’s being an adult. So many times we get lost in this sense of keeping it real that we forget that it’s not necessary to curse and roll your eyes every time you’re in the presence of a person you’ve had an issue with. With that said… you can go on without ever having a real conversation or relationship with that person ever again. I’m totally comfortable sleeping at night knowing there are some relationships that won’t ever be mended or created for that matter. But what about the people in the middle?
How does your best friend feel when you’re around her other bestie, who you’ve had issues with for years? What about your boyfriend? How does he react when you grin and brush off his favorite cousin who talks smack about you every chance she gets? What about the coworker who you heard said something not so favorable about you, but you have to work together on your friend at works baby shower? It’s super important to try to keep them out of it. If you say you’re “unbothered” act like it! If you decide you are done with the person…. be done but don’t broadcast it.
That may be my problem, when I’m pushed to that point, the “doneness” isn’t something I can explain or even control for that matter. The internal wall that I feel isn’t controlled by anything other than my feelings. They make decisions for me when my mind can’t and my heart won’t… I trust them to decide who deserves space on my mental plate and who doesn’t. Once the wall is up, it’s over and so is our relationship. The thing is, you may never know why. I feel like you don’t have to. I know, that’s all that matters… I don’t owe you an explanation. And I certainly being the Queen of avoidance am not going to upset myself explaining something to you that you’ll never get anyway…. Keeping the people you do care about close to you when you’re so take it or leave it with the ones they love can be tough.
Those are the relationships that matter….the ones that you want to foster. The ones that you value are the ones that should get your energy. I try to allow very little energy to go to negativity. You can roll your eyes all you want… I was faced with the situation just a day ago. Some darts were thrown my way… Just when I was about to let it get to me… I asked myself, why? Mentioning it to the person between us would be pointless and lend more time and energy to some drama that I really could care less about. I care more about not upsetting them than even acting like I noticed that the person didn’t speak to me. I actually thought it was funny that as this age, the only thing you think you can do to bother me is not speak!? Puha! That goes back to my life experiences, not getting a salutation is low on my list of priorities. Being the loving friend and supporter that my friend knows me to be will not be overshadowed by pettiness.
If you are faced with the situation to be in the middle of unnecessary drama remember to keep the relationships you value in mind. Don’t give the ones you don’t value more energy than the ones you do… Also remember that everybody isn’t for everybody… it’s okay to leave some people where you found them.
Cheers,
Carrie B.